Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
