Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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