i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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