You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
