You can't special order awesome
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
