Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
