Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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