Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
