How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
