I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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