I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
