Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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