Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh god the rape fog is back!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
