I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
