I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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