If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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