Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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