if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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