She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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