i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
