Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we made out on top of his cat.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
