He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
