Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will be naked everywhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
