I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
