Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My feet surprised me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
