The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
