It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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