I can feel you judging me through the phone.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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