yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
