I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
