I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
