literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
