On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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