There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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