jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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