The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Two words: nipple clamps
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