if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found puke in my bra..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
