it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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