dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
