All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
