Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
