A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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