she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
cat food counts as protein by the way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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