If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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