it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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