i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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