The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
