Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
