and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
