I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
